What 40 years of marriage looks like
Pontiac resident Karen Eubank wrote this piece on Dec. 19, 2021, about her marriage to Norman Eubank in honor of the couple’s 40-year wedding anniversary.
This is what 40 years of marriage looks like.
It’s finishing each other’s sentences. It’s listening to him express a random thought and smiling because you were just thinking the exact same thing. It’s looking at each other across a crowded room and without a word knowing it’s time to leave so you can go home, get in your recliners with a bowl of popcorn, and watch “Yellowstone” reruns.
It’s washing the sink full of dirty dishes because you know she’s tired (even though you’re pretty tired yourself). It’s cooking him a pot of ham and beans because he loves them (even though you have to open the windows because you find the smell nauseating).
It’s crawling out of bed before sunrise because she wants to photograph a waterfall somewhere—and insisting on carrying her camera equipment because you know that heavy load is hard on her neck.
It’s driving him around to 127 breweries (and counting) because you know how much he loves those hazy IPAs.
It’s knowing that (despite what your younger selves believed) the sexiest body parts are the hands that hold, the arms that embrace, the shoulders that carry, and the ears that listen.
It’s seeing her in her bifocals, with her bed-mussed hair, favorite old sweatshirt and mismatched sleep pants and telling her she’s still the beautiful young girl you fell in love with.
It’s seeing his twinkling eyes and still-mischievous grin (and not the wrinkles around them) and knowing he’s still the same precious boy who won your heart so long ago.
It’s letting her plan beach vacations (even though you’d rather be sitting around a campfire in the mountains) because you know how much she loves the ocean.
It’s learning how to ride a bike all over again because it’s something he loves to do—and then finding out you love it, too.
It’s letting him control the remote even though you know that means watching Jeremiah Johnson for the 343rd time—and it’s lowering the volume so it doesn’t interfere too much with her book reading.
It’s accepting weaknesses, admitting faults, and not complaining too much when the other one snores all freaking night long (because you know last night the snorer was you).
It’s looking forward to the grand adventures but also cherishing the quiet, everyday moments because, after 40 years, you’ve come to understand that there most likely isn’t as much time ahead of you as there is behind.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” – Dave Meurer
True story: Before Norman and I were married, the minister required us to go through several pre-marital counseling sessions with him. At the end of those sessions, the minister recommended that we NOT get married because we were just too different. He didn’t realize that one of the few things we DID have in common was our stubbornness—against his advice, we insisted on going through with our wedding plans, and now here we are, still happily together after 40 years.
Many of our friends probably still think we’re as different as polar bears and hummingbirds, and while those differences may have created a few challenges over the years, they have also kept life interesting—and we have learned to keep moving forward with compromise and understanding, acceptance and respect, love and joy—all the good stuff! Happy 40th anniversary to us!
(And if you’ve managed to read this far, you’re entitled to the rest of the story: A few months after grudgingly marrying us, that same minister left his wife and ran off with his church secretary!)