Life is simple: A tale-teller’s ticket to a thank-you

Charlie’s wife needed to go into the city to have some routine lab work done at a hospital clinic. Needing to get some machinery parts, the old man asked his wife if he could ride to town with her, then he could drive her car to the nearby parts store while she was in the clinic. She agreed, and everything went according to plan. When Charlie returned, his wife was ready to go, and she took the wheel for the drive home (evidently, he doesn’t navigate city traffic as well as he used to).

After driving only a few blocks, the flashing lights of a city policeman appeared in the rearview mirror, and Mrs. Charlie obediently pulled over to the curb. The polite officer approached the window and asked the lady for her license and insurance card. She quickly produced both. 

“Do you know why I pulled you over, ma’am?” the officer asked.

“No, sir, I don’t.”

“Well, ma’am, you were doing 56 mph in a 45 mph zone.” 

 At this point, Charlie took over by leaning across his wife and asked the policeman, “Are you sure it was just 56? She usually drives a lot faster than that, and I don’t mind telling you that her driving scares me to death. Thanks for pulling her over.”

    A little bewildered, the cop said, “No, my radar said 56.” There was a pause as the officer processed Charlie’s comments. “Ma’am, I’ll have to go back to my car and run your license. Do you have any outstanding wants or warrants?”

Nervously, she said, “Officer, I’ve never even had a speeding ticket.”

Again, Charlie leaned over. “You better look over your computer carefully, because I’ve been married to this lady for almost 60 years, and I’ll bet she’s done something that shows up in your records. She’s a mean, mean woman.”

When the policeman returned, he handed back the license and insurance card and said, “Ma’am, I usually issue citations for speeding through this area, but after hearing from your husband, I feel fairly certain that you’ve been punished enough in this life. So I’m going to let you off with a warning. Slow down, and drive safely.”

As his wife pulled away from the curb, and back into traffic, Charlie smiled and said to his bride, “You’re so lucky to have me.”


Copyright (c) 2018, Jerry Crownover


Ozark County Times

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